I didn’t think the conversation was going to happen this soon. One thing I did know was that I wanted to prepare for it; I’m not sure how I would’ve done that. I thought I had more time.
I was wrong.
It was bedtime. As I’ve said before, our nighttime pillow talks are when we have our best conversations. We had just enjoyed a great day — Sebastian played well with our neighbors and had found success. I praised him and reviewed all the ways he’d been a nice friend. He was feeling good about himself.
The conversation played out like they usually do. I was trying to explain to him why he wasn’t allowed to play at the girls’ house in our neighborhood. I thought this would be a learning opportunity. We discussed how sometimes unexpected behavior can have consequences he may not like. I reminded him of some of the unkind things that he’d said in the past and how they had made the girls upset.
This was when the lightbulb went off in his head, and it all started to click. He said, “Do I have Autism? Do I have special challenges?” I was curious where he had heard that. So, I asked him, “Why do you think that?” He mentioned that he had overheard his Dad and I talk about someone he knew that may have Autism because of the challenges that he has. He made the connection to his behavior.
I can’t remember how I answered him. I keep trying to replay it, but I just don’t remember, perhaps because it broke my heart to hear him ask the question. I may have said yes, but instead of making the focus about Autism, I made it more about his challenges. I asked him if he thought he had special challenges. His answer will stay with me forever; he said, “Yes, just a little. Not a lot, a lot, a lot” — all while putting his pointer finger and thumb together to illustrate just how few challenges he thinks he has.
I explained to Sebastian that he has some things that are hard for him because of the way his brain has developed. I told him how he sometimes has difficulty staying calm and focused, which is why he takes medicine. We also discussed why he learns social skills at school.
I also told him how God made us all different and special, that everyone has challenges and that it’s OK. I didn’t want the conversation to center on his obstacles, so I reminded him of all the progress he’s made and all the strengths and gifts he has. I ended our talk by reminding him how proud I am of him and that I love him with all my heart.
I know this won’t be our last conversation about his ADHD and Autism. I believe it was a good starting point; I could sense that Sebastian felt loved and supported. I’m hopeful that he’s proud of who he is and that Autism or challenging behaviors aren’t something to be ashamed of. I know that as he grows and matures, his Autism will become his superpower!