Flexibility is a word I often say in my home and in my classroom. In the world of education, we are teaching kids to be more flexible. I think when my students and my own children hear me say the word flexible, they probably roll their eyes and think, “Here she goes again!” By flexible, I mean flexible thinking, being able to go with the flow and adjust when necessary. I wish this was a skill someone taught me when I was a child. Even as an adult, I struggle with it.
I think it’s accurate to say that most people appreciate schedules. They find comfort in their structure and predictability. My home and classroom are highly structured; there are consistent routines in place. Some of my friends might think I’m too structured, that at times it’s hard for me to loosen up. But this structure provides comfort for Sebastian. The more he knows, the more he can be prepared for what to expect. Doesn’t that contradict flexibility? Of course.
Therein lies the problem. Let me change that word to challenge. I used to work with a man who specialized in behavior. One of the most important things he taught me was that they aren’t problems, just challenges or roadblocks that we need to overcome. We should seek to find a balance between structure and flexibility — a difficult task for Autistic children like Sebastian. This was one of the indicators that he may be on the Spectrum. As he aged, his personality became more rigid.
How do you provide structure but also teach flexibility? I don’t know if I have the answer. I believe that it must be a skill taught in the moment. We can’t control everything. So, when a schedule or something planned is unexpectedly altered, we must practice the skill. The idea is that coping skills should be frequently taught to the child, so when a challenge arises, he can access those skills. Sounds great in theory, but it doesn’t always work that seamlessly.
What prompted me to write about flexibility was how our plans for the weekend had changed, which forced me to be flexible. I was able to adjust, and so was Sebastian. It just reinforced how important it is for parents to model the behavior we want our kids to learn.